Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
