I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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