yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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