at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
