You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
