I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
