Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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