Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
