I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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