I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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