It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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