I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
