Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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