My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
