Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
