glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
