I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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