you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
