i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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