I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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