He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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