Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
