My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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