alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
