I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
