So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
