Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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