I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how do flat chested girls get laid?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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