i jhust puked up my retainher.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
