There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
