sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
