ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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