ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
