R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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