Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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