Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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