After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
