What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Drunk is a universal language darling
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
