I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
