in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
