That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
