i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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