there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
