Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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