we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
