hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was confusing and full of hummus
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
