Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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