I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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