We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
