FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
