i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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