I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
