I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
